oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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