I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
