i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
