Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
