What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What drink are we having for lunch?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize