5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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