I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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