Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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