Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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