I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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