Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the condom got lost in my hair
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
