he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Boobs are out for the taking
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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