he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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