Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
