Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
