Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize