Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
