I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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