so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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