so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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