Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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