dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.