Whod you bang
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
