I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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