Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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