He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
