If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
