Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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