God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
