woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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