Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
