its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
