Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I met the friendliest cop last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
