Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
