i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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