Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
