May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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