I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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