I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
