I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
