I'm going to jail i love you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
