She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sarcasm needs its own font
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Randomize
