i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
