My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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