I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
