no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
