my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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