my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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