Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
