Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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