I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
