the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
