my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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