Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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