you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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