I wish I could teleport
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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