Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
