That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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