I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there is glitter all over my balls
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