Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
